Good morning readers! It’s been a while since I’ve had the luxury of putting my thoughts on the page so I come to you this fine day with an attitude of gratitude, just right for the season! The holidays have brought many emotions to the surface but most of all I’ve been experiencing miracles left and right! When a miracle takes place it’s generally because something bad needs healing. My “bad” is quitting vaping and drinking, while trying to start a new way of life as well as career and homeschool my son while I learn to sail our home. Just a few stressful monkeys trampling all over me! I had to do something quickly or risk blowing up at any second!
I started by focusing on myself and consciously breaking the habits I have had for so long! And It’s soooooo hard!!! I have to tell myself about every half hour that I don’t like smoking because it makes me feel bad and blah! Blah! Blah! It really can be as easy as that though… you just have to be your own coach and take it one day (or sometimes hour) at a time. To be honest, I don’t want to completely stop drinking or smoking because it’s fun now and again to enjoy a little adult time. But because I’m an all or nothing kind of gal, I had to go with nothing for a while to be able to learn moderation. I also realized that now is the perfect time because I have so many meaningful things to fill that void.
The most important reason for moderation is my son Walker. I took over his homeschooling because Walker and my husband Nick would be on a non verbal basis every time I came home from work. Walker would say he hates school and his Dad, and Nick was convinced that Walker couldn’t listen which broke this mother’s heart. I quickly became aware that the two of them had created an active volcano situation every morning because they are so similar in their demeanor, so I prayed to be the extinguisher! I don’t give myself credit at all on this note because it is so difficult to be the parent and the teacher and Nick did the best job he could do. You want to instill good tough morals in your child but also be sensitive to their feelings. In my opinion, this can only come from true divine intervention! Homeschooling has brought me closer to Jesus because no joke… every single time I pray for patience my prayer is answered immediately and often times words pour out of my mouth that I don’t even have time to process but are the exact words Walker needs in that moment. It’s also allowed me to become so much closer to my son, which is the best miracle a mother could ever experience!
Now time to mend Nick and my relationship. I hesitate even writing this because I haven’t had a miracle in this department yet, but I know it’s worth fighting for! I also hope that others might find relief from their similar situations because we all like to think we have the perfect “Social Media like” life, but in reality we don’t! Life is messy and it’s supposed to be. Nick and I are messy because we’re both trying to figure out how to fit into this new lifestyle. He wants vacation to last forever and I want structure and security. So we promise each other to just be honest. This is good at times and very bad at others. There’s been a lot of hurt feelings and frustrating nights but I am positive that it’s going to lead us to a glorious miracle! That’s what I focus on every hour of every day… keeping my hope. We have a life that others dream about, long days on incredible beaches, hiking through rainforests, and boating in one of the most beautiful places on earth, but we still have the same family issues as everyone else.
The answers we’ve come up with so far are…
I put my writing career on a brief hold so I could make sure that the thing I hold dearest to my heart is thriving. And now my family is doing better. We still have our disagreements and struggles, but at least we’re doing it together and with God guiding us. It’s hard to live by faith, but every time I dive in head first I never regret the outcome! I have absolute confidence that we are here and struggling for a reason. Not knowing the reason is absolutely miserable but I trust that it will not be in vain. There’s a miracle on the horizon so have faith and trust god and we will all enjoy a life that’s truly worth living!